Let the Meltdowns begin...
Wow, I’ve really got to stay on top of these blog posts. I’m in my 6th week of my last spring semester ever… I meant to write this blog on the first week because it probably would’ve been more poignant but, eh, whatever. So let’s rewind back to that first week and I’ll tell you what was going on.
During my first week of spring semester, I had a little too much time on my hands. Class wasn’t in full swing yet, so I had too much free time to stop and think about all the scary stuff that comes with graduating. My mind would race and I’d think: where am I going to live? Will I get a job in my field? Will I get a regular, bullshit job that allows me to house, clothe, and feed myself? You know, the usual. So by day two I’d already had a meltdown.
Now, I knew it was coming, and I’d tried to combat the stressful meltdown by going to the gym. Running like a tired fatty really does help relieve stress. Why can’t I convince my body to get addicted to healthy things like that? Anyways, it didn’t work and I burst into pitiful tears while on the phone with my dad. He did his best to console me, which pretty much worked, but I just needed to cry this out. I figured that since I was so busy in January with my interterm class, I put off thinking about all the scary school stuff until my schedule was a little lighter and I had the time, unfortunately, to think about it. So as helpful as my father’s words were, my stress-o-meter was full and the only way to relieve a full tank like that is to just cry it out. I told him that I’d be fine and I got off the phone with him.
About ten minutes later, my mom called me and asked me what was wrong. This only caused more tears from me as I tried to explain that I knew I was worrying about things that I didn’t exactly have control over right now, but that I needed to cry about them anyway. So I got off the phone with her, again, saying that I’d be fine., but I was really planning on crying a little bit more in peace in my room. I could tell that I was probably almost done, and I was glad to have some me-time for a second. I got about five more minutes of crying me-time when Megan, my best friend from back home, skype-called me.
We spent a couple minutes trying to get her computer microphone to work, but to no avail. Finally, she ended up calling me on her cell and leaving the skype video on. BAM! Skype call in progress. She started by saying, “So how ya doin?” Like an idiot, I tried to pretend I hadn’t just spent a good twenty minutes crying. I responded “oh, fine.” And she said “Liar.” That is why I love her… That made me laugh and I went into my worries and stuff and how I knew they were irrational seeing as the only thing I could do right now is finish school and take it from there. I don’t even remember what she said to me because I’m a horrible blogger and didn’t write about it as soon as it happened, but all I know is that she consoled me and we spent a good hour talking about other things that made us both laugh. The only reason we had to stop our conversation is because I had to go to my tutoring job.
I can’t even explain what it meant to have Meg call me like that and get me in a better mood. I don’t have any siblings, but she and I are as close as it gets without being blood related. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say we’re even closer than real sisters because we’re not blood related. We don’t have to put up with each other, and console one another, but we do. I think she even understood my situation better than my parents did because she has similar fears, as does everyone our age. Since she had a better idea of what was going on, she was able to get me out of my funk for the rest of the day. I went to my tutoring job after I hung up with Meg, and even those little crazy brats made me feel better. I had fun, and didn’t think about my own bullshit for awhile.
So now I’m almost halfway through the semester and I’m feeling much better. I’m still terrified, and excited at the same time, but I’m waaay more busy with scripts and school work, as I should be. As long as I’m working on things that will ensure my future success, there’s no reason for me to worry about the little things that I can’t control right now. I’ve been telling myself that everything will fall into place and work itself out because it usually does, and as a result I’ve been a much happier person. Even though I’m not technically a full time student, between my 2 on campus jobs, my internship, and the minimum of three scripts that I’m working on, I’m still just as busy as I was last semester—and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m still going to the gym to keep my stress at bay, and that too has had some positive effects on my attitude. I’m still excited and terrified of what these next couple of months will bring, but I’m mostly excited. And it comforts me to know that 95% of the people my age are worried about the same things. We’re all in it together, and we’re all going to be ok.
Again with the sappy post, but, hey, that’s the kinda gal I am. J
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