Not gonna lie, I think he's kinda sexy
RZ came to Fresno at the end of May and my cousin Dominic won two tickets on the radio (Yes, radios still exist, and they still broadcast songs and stuff). I've never considered myself to be a RZ fan or a metal fan. Like I've already established, I'm a preppy white guy who's eighty years old. I like to listen to the old crooners like Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Bing Crosby, Judy Garland. But, RZ was playing the Crest theatre here in Fresno, and I'd never been inside. The Crest is now affectionately known as the Crust theatre because it's so beat up, but it's super old and still has that ornate appearance of its picture-palace days. I was super excited to see the inside. Plus I like hanging out with my harcore cousin.
The Crest theatre in Fresno, CA. aka the "Crust" theatre.
When we got there, we had to wait in a long ass line, and I kept asking my cousin if I looked like a square with my jeans, t-shirt, blonde hair, and untattooed/pierced body. He said I looked ok, but the very fact that I referred to myself as a "square" makes me one. Dom had no problem blending in, by the way. This guy is all tatted and pierced up, and wears a mohawk. He looks like he'd cut you if you greeted him the wrong way. I'm pretty sure I've seen that happen. He's awesome, though.
At the end of the line there were security guards waiting to feel us up for sharp objects. It didn't really bother me except that the girls' line took a lot more time to get through because there was only one female security guard versus the ten male guards.
When we got inside, the opening band had already started playing and I was not that impressed. The lead singer was an old-ass fat guy with long greasy hair. He looked super dirty and sweaty. He and his bandmates drank beers in between each song, but I completly understand that part. Screaming takes a lot out of you, and beer really helps soothe the throat... Did I mention that their backdrop was a big, black trash bag/tarp? It looked like we were in someone's garage in the 70's listening to some high school band. I literally thought I had travelled back to the 70's, but I must have just been contact high from all the wheed (that's the way I like to pronounce weed). I'm being mean in my description here, but they were alright. I've heard worse metal bands that really annoyed me because I didn't believe they were saying words. At least I could here some words from this band and the music was ok.
Now, what really blew my mind were the moments before RZ started playing. I was freakin out and kept joking with Dom that RZ was gonna eat a baby or something. I've seen his movies, he's a freaky motherfucker, so I was expecting the worst. After the garage band, RZ's roadies tore down the stupid tarp to reveal giant backdrops with pictures of the classic Universal monsters on them. As I looked at the pictures of Frankenstein, Phantom of the Opera, and Wolf Man I heard Johnny Cash songs being piped in through what sounded like an old intercom speaker that you listened to school announcements from. It was an overall creepy effect that I'm not sure if RZ intended to create or what...
Then he finally took the stage in a dusty Jack Sparrow getup and I instantly became a fan. The man puts on a kickass show. He talked to the audience like he was an old friend, he got as close to the crowd as security would let him, and he performed his songs at 110%. I think the relatively small theatre helped create a more intimate experience. I really felt like he was talking/singing to me and me alone.
While I watched RZ perform, my cousin decided to join the mosh pit--something I said from the start that I would never participate in. I'm a pretty tall girl, so I can take and give a pretty good hit, but I just don't want to. What the hell is the point of slamming into one another while music is playing? People get hurt, and I just don't see the reason for it... But my cousin was all about it, so he left me alone (yes, ALONE) in the crowd to go get his ass kicked.
I was proud that I had managed to stay out of the stupid shoving match until some DUMB BITCH decided to start a mosh pit right in front of me! I got hit from the front and got the wind knocked out of me slightly, so I shoved that bitch as hard as I could and ran to the outside of the crowd. Afraid? No. Getting the last hit in to prove that I don't like hitting? Yes. It's all very rational inside my head.
All in all, I had a great time. The only disappointing thing about that night is that RZ only played for an hour. I was expecting a couple hours, but who am I to complain? I got my ticket for free, and I'm not even a particularly huge metal fan (although slightly more now than before that night). I feel kinda bad that I got to go to this concert while my best friend Meg and her boyfriend had no idea RZ was even coming to town. Meg is a waaaay bigger RZ fan than I am, and she would've loved every minute of that concert, but she was with me in spirit!
Oh, and my cousin Dom didn't come out unscathed. He got in on a fight to defend his friend for reasons he's still unsure of, and his industrial piercing (I think that's what it's called) almost got ripped out of his ear. I think that constitutes as a pretty successful night.
